101 Valentine’s Day Jokes for Everyone

Valentine’s Day is the ideal time to show those closest to your heart love, laughter, and delight. There’s always room for a good chuckle regardless of your celebration—romantic, family, or appreciating the humor in a single life. With these funny Valentine’s Day jokes, why not inject humor into your day this year? This list offers something for everyone, from brilliant one-liners to adorable Valentine’s Day puns for children to even relevant jokes for singles. So find a seat, get ready to laugh, and let these jokes give your Valentine’s celebration a wonderful twist. Though laughing is priceless, love is magnificent!

Valentines Day Pun

1. Have I told you reese-ently that I love you? You are purr-fect for me!
2. Words can’t espresso how much I love you. We make a great pear.
3. I’m not a lion…I think you’re great! Will you bee mine?
4. You’re soda-lightful, cutie! I ap-peach-iate you.
5. You octopi my thoughts! I’m feline an attraction between you and I
6. What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!
7. I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the furniture. But when I got home the tables were turned.
8. What did the calculator say to the pencil? You can count on me.
9. How do vampires know if they had a successful Valentine’s Day? If it’s love at first bite.
10. Did Adam and Eve ever have a date? No, they had an apple.
11. What did the love-obsessed candle say when it was lit? I found the perfect match!
12. How did the orca ask the other to be their Valentine? Whale you be mine?
13. What do you call a colorful heart that loves books? Well-red.
14. You’re like my favorite card in a deck: the king/queen of *my* heart.
15. What did one lightbulb say to the other on Valentine’s Day? I love you a whole watt!
16.  What did one plate say to the other on Valentine’s Day? Tonight, dinner’s on me.
17. Do you like Star Wars? Because Yoda only one for me!
18. What did one boat say to the other boat? Are you interested in a little row-mance?
19. Your name must be Autumn because I am falling for you.
20. What did the cucumber say to the pickle? You mean a great dill to me.

Valentine’s Day Jokes For Adult

21. You must be a Wi-Fi… …because I’m totally feeling the connection tonight!
22. To all the ladies and gents who aren’t getting the V or the D on Valentine’s Day. Happy Alentine’s Ay!
23. Did you hear about the wife who asked her husband for a divorce for Valentine’s Day? Her husband told her that he wasn’t planning on spending that much.
24. If you are not in love on Valentine’s Day, don’t worry. You don’t have to be dead on Halloween, either.
25. Why do witches search for crystal men on Valentine’s Week? They love rubbing the crystal balls.
26. Did you hear about the guy who picked up two hot girls on Valentine’s Day? The first time he ever had two hot girls at the same time. He loves driving for UBER.
27. What is the worst part about being a gay guy on Valentine’s Day? All the guys on Grindr are out with their wives.
28. Not having plans for Valentine’s Day isn’t so bad if you have a dental appointment, At least something will be drilled today.
29. Roses are red, violets are blue. If he’s busy on Valentine’s Day. The side chick is you.
30. An old lady was talking to her husband on Valentine’s Day evening. Dear, honestly answer this. What did you think when you saw me for the first time 50 years ago?
31. Roses are red, violets are blue… You’re the reason I forget where I left my shoes!
32. I told my partner I’d give them the moon and stars, but instead, I just gave them my Netflix password. Close enough.
33. They say opposites attract, which is why I love staying home and my partner loves dragging me out.
34. Valentine’s Day is about compromise: I gave my partner chocolates, and they gave me the remote… for five minutes.
35. Cupid’s arrows don’t work on me; I require wine and sarcasm.
36. My love for you is like my bank account on Valentine’s Day—completely drained but still committed.
37. I’m not saying I’m high maintenance, but love better come with free dessert.
38. My idea of a perfect Valentine’s Day? Chocolate, wine, and agreeing that calories don’t count today.
39. I promised to cook something special for Valentine’s Day, so I made reservations at our favorite restaurant.
40. If love is a battlefield, then I’m clearly losing at rock-paper-scissors for who does the dishes tonight.

Valentine’s Day Jokes For Kids

41. What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you!
42. Why did the sheriff lock up her boyfriend? He stole her heart.
43. What kind of flowers should you NOT give on Valentine’s Day? Cauliflowers!
44. What is it called when fish fall in love? Guppy-love
45. What did the calculator say to the pencil on Valentine’s Day? You can count on me.
46. What do you get when you kiss a dragon? Third degree burns on your lips.
47. What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day? Ughs and kisses!
48. What kind of Valentine’s Day candy is never on time?  Choco LATE.
49. What did the boy bat say to the girl bat on Valentine’s Day? You’re fun to hang around with!
50. What did the boy rabbit say to the girl rabbit? Somebunny likes you!
51. I was wondering why my feet got cold, then I remembered you knocked my socks off.
52. I should rearrange the alphabet; that way, I can put U and I together.
53. Check out this math problem: You + me = 2gether 4ever.
54. I must be peanut butter because you’re my jam.
55. I must be a snowflake because I’ve fallen for you.
56. Love is in the air. So is the smell of burnt toast because I tried making you breakfast in bed.
57. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Peas. Peas who? Peas be my Valentine.
58. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Ol-love you.
59. I have something sweet to say: Our friendship is a choco-LOT of fun!
60. Don’t go bacon my heart this Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day Jokes For Single

61. Roses are red, Valentine’s Day is Crap! I don’t have a girlfriend so FAP FAP FAP!
62. How do single people honor Valentine’s Day? By Celibating!
63. What’s the difference between singles and eggs on Valentine’s Day? The eggs get laid!
64. How does a serial killer spend Valentine’s Day? Shooting Cupids.
65. Ques: What is the difference between a calendar and you? Answer: A calendar has a date on Valentine’s Day.
66. I can’t wait for Valentine’s Day because I get to make cupcakes for a special someone. That special someone is me.
67. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Don’t worry if you’re single. You’re going to die alone anyway!
68. That tingly feeling you get when you meet someone you’re really attracted to? That’s common sense leaving your body.
69. I am not scared of getting dumped on Valentine’s Day…because I don’t have a girlfriend.
70. Ques: What do single people call Valentine’s Day? Answer: Happy Independence Day!
71. Why did a single person bring a pencil to dinner on Valentine’s Day? To draw some self-love!
72. What’s the single person’s motto on Valentine’s Day? Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got snacks, and I love me too!
73. Why did the single person laugh at their own jokes on Valentine’s Day? Because they’re their own best company!
74. Valentine’s Day is the perfect time for singles to celebrate their one true pairing: themselves and Netflix.
75. The best part of being single on Valentine’s Day is not having to share your fries or your feelings.
76. Single people have the best superpower on Valentine’s Day: the ability to avoid awkward date conversations and eat dessert first.
77. Who needs a candlelit dinner when you’ve got the glow of your phone screen and a pizza tracker to stare at?
78. Singles don’t cry on Valentine’s Day—they laugh hysterically while swiping left on people holding fish in their dating profiles.
79. The only drama in a single person’s Valentine’s Day is whether to pour another glass of wine or just drink straight from the bottle.
80. Love might be blind, but singles on Valentine’s Day have 20/20 vision when spotting those chocolate discounts.

Valentine’s Day Dad Jokes

81. Why are only girls born on Valentine’s Day? Because there’s no mail delivery on holidays.
82. What do transgender and Christmas trees have in common? What? Their balls are on the mantel
83. Why was the cook arrested on Valentine’s Day? She was caught beating an egg
84. Why shouldn’t you marry a pastry chef? They’re known to be desserters.
85. Why can’t deer kiss? Because they have buck teeth
86. What do you call a sheep who can sing and dance on valentine day? Lady Ba Ba
87. What’s the best way to save your dad jokes for Valentine’s day? In a dadda-base
88. What did the bison say to his son when he left the ranch? Bi-son
89. My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman
90. Who won the neck decorating contest on Valentine’s day? It was a tie.
91. Why did the coffee taste like dirt? Because it was ground just a few minutes ago.
92. Where do you find love in a grocery store? Aisle B… there for you.
93. What did the salt say to the pepper on Valentine’s Day? Oooh baby, baby. Baby, baby.
94. Why did the boy bring a ladder to his girlfriend’s house on Valentine’s Day? Because he heard the stakes were high!
95. Why did the boy bring a broom to his Valentine’s Day date? Because he wanted to sweep her off her feet!
96. What did the squirrel say to the other squirrel on Valentine’s Day? You drive me nuts!
97. How did the telephone propose to its girlfriend? He gave her a ring.
98. There’s so mushroom in my heart for you.
99. Are you a 90 degree angle? Because this feels just right.
100. Are you a 30 degree angle? Because you’re acute-y.
101. When I tell you how much I love you, I’m not overreacting.

Conclusion

Valentine’s Day celebrates memories and smiles more than it does flowers and chocolates. These valentine’s day jokes will make you happy whether your Valentine’s Day celebrations for adults are lighthearted, you share chuckles with children, or you discover comedy in singlehood. Make your loved ones giggle, and remember to indulge yourself in some small pleasure. Searching for other celebration ideas? Discover PatPat’s Valentine’s Day offers for creative and considerate presents to help make your day unforgettable!